Recently I've been studying Romans 5 where Paul wrote that "suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame." One of my projects for this study was to list our trials and write how I've seen these truths worked out in my life in intensely practical ways. Here are just a few thoughts...

• Character Produced: 

         Endurance - God will see me through this. 
         Confidence in the Lord - He is in control and loves me.  
         Peace - I have peace w/ Him. Don't fear death or life-leave the future to God, enjoy what He's giving me now.

• Hope that doesn't disappoint:

         Heaven is real and it's going to be great!
         Life is short, so don't waste it.
         Talking to God makes you happy.
         God is for me. Thru this I felt more love and peace and more hopeful that He is great and that relationship 
         with him is so satisfying!

• Character Produced: 

        Dependency - I can't control her body. I can just be frustrated but that doesn't give me control. 
        Trust - by trusting God my circumstances may not change but my heart does.
        Humility - I became humble (realizing I am weak) and therefore he lifted me up. 
        Thankful - I become thankful and He overwhelmed with joy
        Prayerful - I become prayerful and God continues to give a peace beyond description.

• Hope produced: 

        I don't want to go a second without embracing the love and sovereignty of God. I don't want to go a moment   
        without being intimately connected with Jesus because only then can I have this lifting up peace joy. 

       This pushed me to memorizing Scripture and to have a passionate desire to pray, just to spend time with God.
       I think praying with God privately is great. But also praying with others, my husband, my kids I found especially 
       enjoyable. I love dates with my husband alone; they are sweet and great for our relationship. But I also love 
       spending time with my husband with other people. That's how I feel with God. He made Himself to be enjoyed 
       privately and also in community.

• Character Produced: 

         Awareness of God - God worked a miracle, the first I    have ever seen like it personally. I asked God for 
         supernatural ability to speak a language I didn't know and he answered. I was amazed and humbled by my     
         lack of faith yet overjoyed at his pouring out of blessing.
        
        Peace - I thought Wesley had died and I felt this immediate rush of peace that it was okay 
        Joy - he didn't die, he just passed out...extreme joy!
        Humility - I couldn't do anything but trust God and my new Indo neighbors.

        Gratefulness - this trial gave us lasting relationships with our neighbors. This kind of closeness we could never   
        have imagined but God did it in amazing way

• Hope produced: 

         God always gives us what we need at the right time. He gives us grace not for past or future but for right now, 
         and that's all we need. When we try to access future grace now (ie, worry!) we can't and are left with anxiety; 
         when we try to live off previous grace we became discouraged; present grace is always enough.

         He works miracles still. If he can do this, what can't he do? I was left feeling an unbelievable  trust in the          
         Lord. He does great and mighty things because He is great and mighty! 

Talking with Pak Edi; getting a snack; giving 'em five. A successful visit across the street.

The other day we went to pick J up at school, while we waited we watched the gardener give the grass a 'haircut.' Don't ever complain of having to mow your grass again:) He did the whole yard with these large scissors.

A little background first. End of October through the end of November I was fighting e-coli, a sickness which keeps you in the bathroom and knocks you down physically. Beginning of December, it seems I was finally getting back to normal, eating well and good energy. Then a week before Christmas I started feeling extremely tired and “not quite right.” A few days later I couldn’t even get out of bed. I had several blood tests which indicated Dengue Fever. So thankful for a diagnosis and ready to fight my way through it, I lay in bed and endured “breakbone fever.” But after a week, I was not better and so the docs advised that I go to Singapore (a developed country nearby). At this point, I was scared and feeling very low. After a week in the hospital and multiple diagnoses, I finally began to feel good enough to sit up and live again. However, I was not sleeping more than a couple of hours a night and all food tasted like dirt. I was literally eating to live (this lasted about a month), and for a girl who usually lives to eat…that was weird!

To be honest with you, I’ve been in a war the last few months. After a few weeks of being sick, I started getting fearful. “What is this? Why am I not getting better? Why can’t I seem to push through this like before?” Not to mention the fact that I was completely incapable of being a mom and a wife.  Discouragement was setting in, and with it a depressing, fearful heart lacking much needed endurance from faith. But, I have an incredible Helper (the Holy Spirit) and an incredible husband who said, “Keep yourself armed for this war, it’s going to be a doozy.” So I was in a war of my body and soul!

I listened to scripture and messages even while my head hurt so bad I thought it would explode. And when I would lay in bed night after night with little or no sleep I’d just pray for everyone I knew. I needed all those things, but I also needed you, my Body. You don’t know how encouraging it was to get letters, texts, and especially to know your prayers for me during these last few months. I was really loved by so many of you…thank you!

One day I listened to a sermon where the speaker read _“It is Well with my Soul.”_ I was so moved by it and was feeling God do incredible things in my heart through Faith in His Word. Here’s what I wrote as I thought through each line.

When peace like a river attendeth my way
      Thank you for the times of green passturs and peaceful times in my life
When Sorrow like sea billows roll
     Even now or times to come!
Whatever my lot, thou art teaching me to say
     Whatever You give me, my heart desires to be taught by You
It is well with my soul
     No matter what comes, my I soul is at peace b/c of Jesus…I am His and He is mine and the worth of Him is so great…all of Your Grace!

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come
     I cast Him and His temptiation against Your sovern control away, even amidst this trial!
Let this bless assurance CONTROL
     Oh God may it completely control me!
That Christ hast reguarded my HELPLESS estate
     I KNOW that I am utterly HELPLESS by physciall and spiritual without You! Thank you for looking on my
And hath shed His OWN blood for MY soul
     Thank you, Jesus!
 
This is my Hope. This is my Victory. This is my strength.

...on a rainy day in Indonesia when your mommy is sick? Read Curious George to your brother, of course!

S continues to make progress, though in "micro-steps". At times, to S, the steps seem almost imperceptible. But God is giving grace to help us step back, look at what she was like two weeks ago, and then we're grateful for every stinkin' little step!

Each night she has slept a little bit better. The kids have done great back here as well. S hasn't been able to sleep during naps, which makes the evenings very tiring.

Today was an up-and-down day emotionally. Three friends (one of our supporting pastors in the States, and two men we worked with when we were in Indo two years ago) came by and prayed for Sarah today. That was a sweet encouragement. And the neighborhood ladies also came by and brought fruit and talked with Sarah (this is normal when anyone is sick). These things were encouraging to us. Yet, sometimes the adversary wants us to think that life won't get back to "normal;" that this sickness will go on indefinitely (which, we truly believe it won't:). A good friend wrote to me this morning:

Sometimes as I go through difficult things (especially if they seem to go on and on) I find myself just longing and holding on for things to get back to “normal”—and then other times when I go through hard stuff I reach a point where I have an awareness that things will not ever go back to where they were—I am changing through the adversity and the next normal will be a new normal. I have learned more and more to see that as something good and to look for God’s hand in where He is taking me rather than working so hard to get things back to where they were.

God is changing us. We don't see the end result, and that's hard for our faith-deficient hearts; but we know that He is a good God with good plans. God is giving health; healing; joy; happy kids; the list goes on. But we would greatly appreciate your continued prayers for 1) sleep; 2) encouragement; 3) increased health.

Today I listened to a song that I've heard many times before, but the present circumstances caused one phrase to stand out:

Each strand of sorrow has a place 
Within this tapestry of grace; 
So through the trials I choose to say: 
“Your perfect will in your perfect way.”

Amen.

Waiting in Him,

The last few days have been up and down; but gratefully, the progression is upward. Sleep is slowlycoming, and we're learning to be grateful for the few hours that God blesses S with (and the kids...and me!!!;)

Yesterday we began to realize for real that this won't be a quick recovery. That was kind of hard to take at first; but the end of the day has seen much more joy and grace for both of us. Really appreciate your prayers for continued joy. God is continuing to hear and answer.

Tomorrow morning (Friday morning Indonesia time), we fly back to Indonesia. There is a little apprehension on S's part to return, only being at about 50% strength right now. Yet, getting the kids back to their home, and getting S back to her own bed will hopefully ease life on all sides. We've been praying about how best to aid her recovery in these coming days, and we're eager to seeGod continue to answer prayers for healing.

I've taken great joy in these words: Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.” (Ps. 16) Good news to our hearts.

Resting in Him,

jwf

It's been two days since S was released from the hospital. The first day seemed like torture--sleep seemed to evade her completely. We prayed and begged God to give sleep. It's amazing what we have taken for granted--sleep--but are now asking God for. Today has been a better day--seeing steps of progress each day. The key element is sleep. Praise the Lord, S slept a few hours last night!! A direct answer to prayer. She was able to get up and move around more today. She just went to bed, and we're praying that tonight will provide even more rest. A follow-up appointment with the doc tomorrow.

So grateful for your prayers and encouragement. God has sustained us, and He will continue to. We're more confident of that than ever.

Today has been a full, but good day. S didn't sleep too great last night, and was a bit nauseated this morning (we think because of the sleeping pill). She got up, took a shower, ate, and by that time I was there (10:30). Almost immediately, Dr. Adrian came in and said that he was going to have her see the ENT doc (due to the continued tingling/numbness sensations in her face/head/neck). While we waited, we took a quick walk to the hospital garden. When we came back, we went straight the ENT. He did a scope of her nose and a scan of her sinuses/head. Everything came back fine. The two docs met and agreed that there is nothing serious at all and that the numbness is likely just a severe sinus infection and/or part of the post viral syndrome. 

About half-way through with the ENT, I ran home to get the kids to bed. After I got them down, I was eating a PB&J sandwich and got a message from S: "They're discharging me in an hour!"

I ran back to the hospital. The docs said that while their goal is to find out what's wrong, at this point they've ruled out anything serious. PRAISE THE LORD! Right now, S's key need is rest. And, unfortunately, there is construction going on _literally_ right under S's bed at the hospital, so rest was quite difficult. They advised her to go to the mission house, rest, see the kids, rest, eat, rest...you get the picture. She has a blood test and follow-up appointments early next week.

We praise God for this! We both feel that this is exactly the right timing. S is extremely tired, but thankfully she is not in pain or hurting (other than the sinus-type sensations). Our KEY REQUEST now is that she could sleep. She has a hard time getting to sleep right now. She's not worried; she's not anxious. Pray that God will help her body to just sleep. 

Thanks so much for your continued prayers. The docs said that although she is ready to leave the hospital, it's going to take her body a while to get back to normal strength. We will stay in Singapore until they give us the green light to head back home to Indonesia. Again, pray for God's gracious healing on her body. 

His goodness is overwhelming. Thank you, God.

Grateful. Tired. Joyful. Blessed.

Dear Praying/Supporting Friends,

It's been a whirldwind (though a good whirlwind:). I flew home yesterday (Wednesday); arrived at the house at 2pm; packed up the kids and bought tickets by 4pm; drover 2.5 hrs to Jogja; spent the night; got up at 5:00 to make our flight; arrived in Singapore at 11:30am. And, to the praise of God's grace, I truly haven't felt stressed---which, if you know me, that is truly a miracle:) There was a group of women (maybe Buddhist monks...heads shaved) on the plane today that entertained Hudson a bit, so that helped:) On to the important stuff.

When I got back today at lunchtime, I could definitely tell an improvement in S. She is still extremely "tired" (weak), but seems to be gaining a little strength. At the doctor's suggestion, she took two walks today--one down the hall, and one to a garden area in the hospital. That tired her out, but it got her some sun and got the blood flowing.

Yesterday, they found traces of typhus in her blood. They immediately put her on an antibiotic. When we spoke with the doctor today, he said that even though there may be traces, these are not significant enough to be the foundational cause.

I wrote the above paragraphs several hours ago. I just got back to the mission house (10pm). S is doing the best I've seen her since we've been here! Praise the Lord! During the time that I had come back to the house to put the kids to bed, she had taken a shower and eaten over half of her meal on her own! And she said she was even kind of hungry for it. We sat on the little sofa and talked for about 5-10 minutes. By this time, she was wiped out, but she said, "I'm encouraged." Amen! By 8:15 she was asleep:) Praying that the long night's rest, the nutrients from the food, and ultimately the prayers of many will continue to bring healing to her body.

I know you've been praying for the kids...they're so sweet; but they sure do miss their mom. And sleeping in 3 different beds in 3 different cities in 2 different countries in the space of 3 nights is slightly less than usual. When I put Hadassah down for her nap today, she looked at me and said, "How many days are you going to be gone?" I had to convince her that I wasn't leaving her again. I'm staying with the kids tonight (please pray that they will sleep well), and tomorrow morning first thing we will go see S at the hospital. Eager to see how God will work overnight.

I'm pooped. But joyful. Glad to have my family together again. Glad for an opportunity to share Grace with a taxi driver tonight. Glad that all of God's promises are true. Glad that the results aren't up to me. Praise to Him.

j